Happy Fragment
by XAbandonedXAccountX
Summary: Sometimes, even Lambdadelta could get very bored and lonely when looking for something to ease her poison. Sometimes, Bernkastel not being with her could start to feel very...sucky. Maybe this time she'll find something fun to last her a little while even without her, though. But are they ever truly apart? LambdaBern.
1. Poisoning

"Grrrrr, just where did you go now, my dearest Bern~?" Came a whiny growl that was not at all befitting of The Great Lady Lambdadelta.

Bernkastel had disappeared somewhere again. It's not like this was some kind of shocking occurrence, it was more like a staple of her entire character. And Lambdadelta still loved her despite of it, she adored everything about her darling, even the things she disliked about her were just more reasons to like her, ahhh~ She could feel her pupils turning into hearts already from the slightest thoughts about her beloved.

...But seriously, even though she _also_ knew that Bernkastel could be a massive sore loser...isn't it juuust a little bit ridiculous to poof out of sight during a nice, simple game of chess because you figured that it was a waste of time to continue in your cornered position~~~!? Lambda could have cried...if only it wasn't in actuality _Bernkastel's_ loss, in the end (and not just in the chess game, mind you). This time around, they had managed to meet each other again during their separate journeys in only a mere _**decade**_!

 _You're telling me that you're really throwing away a miracle of such grand proportions just like that!? I guarantee with certainty that this miracle is the most amazing I've seen yet in all my time of existence! And I also guarantee with certainty that I would have won that chess match, so come back here and take your loss so I can see your pathetic tears and beautiful grimace, already~~~!_

Lambda sighed. All she could do now was keep counting and search again. She snapped her fingers, creating a gigantic rainbow lollipop in front of herself. She hopped onto the stick and maneuvered it like a surfboard through the sea of kakera. Might as well quell some boredom _while_ she searched, after all. Every now and again, she would grab a random kakera and look into it, hoping to see her love or even a little clue. Alas, it was all just boring, boring, boring, and not to mention _**stupid**_!

At some point she ditched the surfboard, changing up her methods of travel a bit. She popped up in one place, disappeared, then popped up again a few feet ahead. This continued on for some time. Then, she pulled a small party horn out from beneath her pink hat, and when she blew into it, it created a gigantic arched bridge for her to walk across. Upon reaching the top of the upward hill, she was out of breath. She considered that maaaybe she made the bridge a bit too flashy, just this once. She kicked a rail and the whole thing crumbled to pieces. Soon, she was popping out of her black holes in random places. Don't waste your time worrying about them being able to harm her or anything of the sort, now that would only be humiliating and laughable.

 _I could give that fashion disaster Gaap a run for her money, ohohoho~! She'd be stretched apart right at the beginning of a race!_

Lambdadelta froze for a bit. That reminded her, she wondered how all of them were doing...were they still enjoying the happy ending they earned? It had been far, far, far longer since she had last saw _them_. Maybe their Golden Land has just turned to ash at this point? Lambda would've laughed, but her face just wouldn't change from her current sentimental, slightly sad smile. She took another kakera floating nearby her; maybe, just maybe, it would be about one of the endless possibilities of Beatrice's catbox. It wasn't, though. She huffed and tossed it away, carelessly. As she continued floating along, she heard a delayed shatter. Or was it _two?_

... _Whoops. Well, it's no skin off my bones!_

Lambda paused again. Then, she exploded into a fit of giggles. She didn't even _have_ bones, her body was made out of cotton candy! Good enough to eat. She kicked her legs up and down more and more furiously, astounded by her own hilarious joke. Then, in a very uncanny manner, she suddenly froze once more.

"Tch. So damn boring." She muttered, kicking at nothingness. She looked all around her, into the vast endless darkness.

The only things here were the occasional kakera. But she couldn't even find anything of any real merit from those lately, either. She plopped down on her butt (looking as if still in midair, as there was really no "ground" to speak of, but it almost felt to her like she had still hit something. Whatever, the sea didn't make much sense as it was, after all). She roughly put her chin into her hands, making her mouth look twisted into a pout. Maybe she _was_ pouting, a bit.

"I'll make her rub my poor heavenly feet for this, when I get my hands on her." She sighed, looking around again. "...I wonder if Bern ever gets sentimental, too. Maybe even she misses rocking the Rokkenjima crew~? She _has_ to miss _me_ already, that's for sure. It's so cute how she tries to hide it by saying something sappy like, "I don't want to bore you" every time we part again. Mmm...I might be starting to turn all lonely and needy like her, too..."

 _...Could she even miss being *****? Is it possible? The games these days are so goddamn shitty that anything is possible at this point. Sometimes, I start to regret helping them, just a little. Maybe I could've had an extra few decades worth of laughter if I let things go to chaos. Sometimes, I start to regret helping anyone. Even..._

Lambdadelta closed her eyes.

 _...that girl I miss._

Just then, she noticed. A special seeming glint that caught her even with her eyes closed. She moved her head lazily.

"...Oh? Now, tell me. Is this a message? Could this be another fan letter, or even a love letter? Is Bernkastel finally ready to apologize? Is it some hint, clue, game? Or..."

 _Just some miracle?_

Lambdadelta grabbed the fragment and turned it all around in her gloved hand, but it was totally blurry. "Ah, I see. I'm forced to go in and look, aren't I? Well, that's okay." She shrugged. "I can at least get some burgers if you disappoint me."

 _ **Kyahahahahahahahahahaha!**_

* * *

A/N:

This idea came to me at the wee hours of the morning and I've been writing for hours since then, so uh, that's my apology for whatever this is/becomes. I have the whole basic plan figured out already, but...

This will be my very first _real_ chaptered fic ever too, wow. Also, more apologies in advance if I don't write Lambda and/or Bern the best... I'm certainly (haha) trying my best. But yeah, I don't think I've ever written Lambda/Bern before (from what I remember) but I like them a lot. Probably won't do them any justice though.

The censored word is human. It was supposed to be a sort of "without love you can't _see_ it" type thing, just like how the word love in censored sometimes in the visual novel and such. But well, I just flat out told you, like the horrid goat I am, I guess. Sorry if it's dumb.

The lollipop surfing is an Ougon Musou Kyoku (official Umineko fighting game) reference. Miyoko is the girl that Lambda misses, and I'm pretty sure she literally refers to her like that in the Lambda's Diary tip as well, if I recall correctly. I think that's everything important. Maybe after this fic is posted I'll finally leave this account for real.


	2. Entertaining

Lambdadelta looked all around herself, almost feeling a bit of awe.

 _Hoh~? Now this..._

"Now **this** isn't disappointing at all."

She started humming as if all was normal, setting out to finally have some _real_ fun again.

* * *

"Be careful on your way home, you three!" Came the bright and cheery voice of a certain male.

"Mii~ Thank you, KeiKei. But you're probably in much more danger than us."

"W-wah! Why do you say that, Rika-chan?" But of course, he knew. The weight on his arm was clear.

"Haooo~! Hanyuu-chan, Rika-chan, Satoko-chan, you should all come home with me instead, too~!" A redhead cooed, steam coming out her nose and a bit of drool (rather grossly) waving about from her mouth.

"This is our cue to get out of here quickly, it seems." Satoko's voice. Rather polite speech as ever.

The previously mentioned three left from beside the school in the opposite direction as they always did (the twins had gone earlier thanks to errands, but these weren't the usual shopping errands. No, these errands involved a certain clinic and another certain male. But, that was also a story for another day. Keiichi might finally soon receive a "gift" to even out the vastly unfair female to male ratio in the club, though). For now, however, he was left behind with a Rena that was still fawning over him. The swan on his tutu swayed back and forth vigorously...

"Yet another loss for him, I almost feel bad~" Satoko snickered.

"Hanyuu was so close to crashing their date."

"Hau au au~ You're so mean, Rika..."

"I'm simply stating facts." Rika replied with a blank face.

Hanyuu whined some more, pouting. The tiny (in both number and size) group continued chatting idly for a while. The atmosphere was light and cheerful, the standard these days. Then, Hanyuu suddenly stopped. Rika and Satoko soon stopped too, looking back in curiosity.

"What, Hanyuu?" Rika pressed.

"Ummm...Rika, I left something at school. Yes. So, would you please come back with me to get it? I don't want to go alone."

"Really? Is it even that important? Plus, then _Satoko_ will be all alone..." Rika trailed off, seeming irritated.

Satoko put a hand on her shoulder. She wished that Rika wouldn't randomly get so rude with Hanyuu so often, even if the two were "family." Rika winced a little, feeling a bit ashamed about Satoko seeing such a part of her. Satoko went to speak.

"I'll be just fine, I can quite handle myself on my own, you know? Plus, one day of not walking back with the both of you won't kill me." She gave Rika an encouraging push. "Go on. Besides..." Satoko's eyes seemed to quickly dart from them to the ground multiple times, as if she was embarrassed about something. "I can't miss Tom and Jerry! I-it's really good inspiration for traps, you know?"

Rika smiled a bit at this, murmuring a meek "okay." And so, the groups split off. As soon as Rika thought that Satoko was far from earshot, she asked, "So? What is this sacred item you so-"

"Rika, would you mind being quiet for a bit?"

Rika would've snapped even more violently right there, but she held off, wanting to be a better person for Satoko's sake. So instead, she turned her eyes away from Hanyuu's face and to the ground, sulking, as they continued walking back for some time. Eventually, however, she realized something _very_ odd. Rika narrowed her eyes.

"Would _you_ mind telling me why you've frozen time? I didn't even know you could still do that."

"It's not me."

That was Hanyuu's deep, godly voice. Rika felt like her blood had frozen, too.

"...Huh? Then who!?" Rika demanded quickly. "Don't tell me that those freaks Tamurahime and Une are back, or something!?"

Hanyuu smiled wryly. "I think it's much worse."

"I would appreciate a less cryptic answer."

Hanyuu continued smiling like before.

"...Hey. Hanyuu!" Rika shouted. She soon realized that her body had moved in her irritation.

 _What the hell...?_

She brushed it off quickly, moving closer to Hanyuu so she could shake her shoulder. This made the blood **drain** from Rika's body at this point, because Hanyuu didn't budge an inch. Now she was totally frozen and like a stone. She felt cold, and so did the air around Rika, for that matter. Maybe it was just her fear, but who wouldn't be unnerved in this situation?

"Ohohoho~! My, pretty good instincts there. So even that creampuff sucker is worth something."

Rika flipped around so fast she might as well have been a tornado. That laugh was oddly familiar, but everything else felt downright vile. She screeched when she saw a pair of bright red eyes right in front of her own (also oddly familiar). She fell backwards and her land felt like she could have easily cracked her tailbone. Rika snapped her eyes back up though, trying to ignore the pain, not wanting to lose her guard. She could hardly believe what she saw, however.

Some blonde pink blob of a young girl(?) was floating in front of her, looking down at her, eyes laced with a bit of...worry? She thinks that lightly, as they feel weirdly patronizing. The mystery person spoke.

"...Sheesh, I didn't think you'd flip out this much. Then again, I guess you aren't the extremely cold "I don't care about anything, nothing surprises me" jerk quite yet?"

Rika barely registered the words being said. She was still busy staring up, her expression turning more and more comically bewildered. Lambdadelta started smiling slightly, finally seeing some of the cuteness she was craving for. However...

"My god. You're the biggest freak yet. What the hell is with that blinding outfit?"

Lambda blinked a few times. It was almost like the words had gone in one ear and out through the other, until she began turning more and more red, cheeks puffing up like a balloon.

"What!? What are you saying!?" She exploded. "How rude can you get!? You're sooo nothing like you look, you know that!?"

She continued raving on, spluttering many a "how dare you!" Rika quirked a brow, any and all sense of danger fading.

 _Ugh, she's like some gigantic baby, too..._

Rika snapped out of her thoughts quickly, moving to readjust the messed up straps of her backpack, as this... _thing_...continued to whine, shaking her hands up and down and moving throughout the air.

 _God, I'm too old for this shit. When does my suffering end...?_

Rika got up from the ground, looking back to the girl. "Hey. Can you unfreeze time so I can go home already? I need a drink..." She muttered that last statement more quietly and more to herself. Lambdadelta caught it, though. She got back into Rika's face again, seemingly fully recovered.

"Heeey, you're like, what, twelve? No way should you be drinking!" She chided, though she was still a bit amused. Bernkastel was such a dork and alcoholic that she named herself after wine, after all. "Addictions, especially _this_ incredibly early in life, will only lead you down more and more dark paths!" Lambdadelta rambled on with her pointer finger going back and forth, glasses (did she have those at first, Rika questioned to herself) sat on her face.

Dark paths indeed, Lambda wanted to giggle to herself. Also, should she herself really be acting like some kind of role model? She pondered these inane things in her head until Rika spoke once again.

"Whatever. It's none of your business. Don't speak like my mother. She's dead anyways. Now go away." Rika shrugged her straps into place some more, before smugly adding, "Besides, _you_ look like you could be, what, eight? I also doubt that you have any room to speak on addictions, considering you act like you're on a permanent sugar craze."

Lambdadelta's mouth was agape. Sure, she loved the cold, cruel, fickle, disgusting, terrifying mass that was Bernkastel, and those were some of the reasons themselves, but really. To think that she was already _this_ jaded as a human. Nothing like cute little Miyoko. Sure, that one grew up to be a ruthless monster as an adult (which is fine for me too, Lambdadelta mused) but she was hoping the personality would match the looks on this one as well.

Hell no, however; she was a cocky, dark little girl who already drank (Rika was working on that now, in actuality, unbeknownst to Lambda) and said rude and foul things easily, not to mention casually and disrespectfully mentioning a dead parent (Rika didn't mean for it to come across that way like she might've in the past, either). Nonetheless, Lambda chuckled challengingly. She supposed this could still be a delicious combo in itself.

"I'll have you know I'm waaay older than you in both body and mind, dumb little girl, so respect your elders or else!" Such a thing was a waste of words on Rika, considering how she already treated nearly all of her elders, even her own older friends sometimes, or how pampered she was no matter what in the village. Lambdadelta continued on obliviously though, her expression turning more suspicious. "...How do you know that I like my sweets?"

"You're _wearing_ some, you know." Rika deadpanned.

Lambdadelta fell silent again, her mouth wiggling around in irritation. Losing to Bernkastel was one thing, but no way would she let _this one_ continue to humiliate her. Gasping suddenly, she theatrically brought a hand to her chest and flung her head back, as if in pain. "Man, you're so cruel! I've been nothing but nice to you, yet you continue to fling insults!"

"I think you've perfectly earned this kind of treatment."

Moving on, Lambda said, "And telling me to go away? But we've barely begun our beautiful relationship!"

"I don't want to be anywhere _near_ you, woman. Ggghh-!" Rika let out a noise of surprise as she suddenly felt herself grabbed and pulled into a tight hug.

"Don't talk like that~ Let me play with you for a bit longer, I can show you a great time! So please, start acting a little cuter, okay~?"

Rika grit her teeth and shoved. "Don't touch me!"

Lambdadelta donned a look of confusion, putting her fingers to her chin. Rika narrowed her eyes.

"...What now?" She inquired harshly, feeling like she'd only regret it.

"I don't understand. I had thought that you also appreciated women, so being in my bosom should have calmed you-"

Rika's face turned into flames. " ** _What the fu-_** "

"Anyway, I also have this pumpkin on my dress! See? Look! It's cause I love my veggies too!" Lambdadelta lied through her teeth, looking pleased with herself, hands on hips. Not to mention, this was a complete subject change again. "So how about that? I'm way healthier than you, alcoholic!"

"I thought pumpkins were a fruit. Because of seeds."

Lambda paused. She brought her fingers to her chin again, looking _way_ too deep in thought. "When it comes to taste and cooking, I thought they were considered a vegetable. Hmm, is this some kind of Schrodinger's Cat all over again? Or should I say Schrodinger's Vegetable? Schrodinger's Fruit? Double the Schrodinger!"

The girl began laughing maniacally. Rika couldn't decide if she was an idiot or insane. Both sounded good. Though, she still found herself responding to her again.

"Hmm. Impressive that you know of such a term."

"I could say the same thing." Lambda smirked. She seemed to recall a poem of Bernkastel's talking about it. "But anyway, where do you get off on saying "you" so patronizingly like that to me, hmm~~~!? I'll have you know I'm a bigger genius than _you_." Back to her tirades. What a hypocrite, at that. "And another thing, that reminds me, you should be apologizing for your rude comments on my excellent fashion!"

Rika only smirked herself and quietly muttered, "With that pumpkin on you maybe Satoko would hate you even more than I do."

This was said more to herself than anyone else once again, but it only caused Lambda's ears to perk up. In fact, she cupped her ear and it _literally_ grew larger as if they were in some kind of wacky cartoon. Rika promptly began rubbing her eyes (but she grew slack in the middle, wondering why _anything_ shocked her anymore) as Lambda made a face like something incredible dawned on her. She hit her palm with her fist.

" _Oh, I see!_ You still have a thing for that headband girl here, am I right? Hmmm... I applaud your taste in blondes and all," Lambda paused for a moment in the middle, a brilliant new way to tease Bernkastel coming to her, showing her she had something in common with _Battler_ , "but I have a similar laugh, you know? And muuuch redder eyes. Though there _was_ a time where I donned amber...but I thought it was kinda tacky. My haircut is still kind of a tribute to a certain someone, though! ...Anyway, my hat and bows are sooo much cuter too, and I'm all pink and red and not some dreary, boring black!" She finally managed to finish.

Oops, she supposed she insulted Bernkastel's own fashion with that last bit. Anyway, Rika seemed to still be processing her rant.

"Headband...? Y-you mean..." Rika's face went ablaze again. "How do you know-? N-no I mean, it's not like _that_! I mean!" Suddenly, Rika finally put on a look of true anger. "Enough beating around the bush! How do you know the things you do!? Why are you here in Hinamizawa!? What are you set out to do!? Who are you!?" Rika interrogated.

"Oh, thanks for finally being polite enough to ask~! But, well, sadly, I don't think I should give you _too_ much information. I will say that I'm a witch, though." Lambdadelta's grin morphed a bit more sinister.

"W-Witch...?" Rika whispered.

"Indeed. I can do all ki~nds of amazing stuff! That's what I was talking about earlier. I can show you such a fun time, how about it?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I grew out of magician shows when I was around seven." Rika spat.

"Puppets~?" Lambda asked playfully, but Rika only glared.

Lambdadelta sighed and reached out to put a hand on Rika's cheek, who found herself blushing despite herself. But she still continued glaring daggers at this witch.

"You don't quite understand, perhaps. You see, I can grant wishes! A~ll kinds. As long as you have a strong will and determination, that is. I hate trash that won't work, do they _really_ want what they want as badly as they say they do~? Anyway, with a pinch of your own power I can give you just about a~nything."

 _Well, I've turned people into witches and gods, after all. I suppose there really isn't something that I cannot do._

Not missing a beat, Rika replied, "Well, I wish **incredibly** strongly for you to screw off. Does that work?"

Lambdadelta gave a grin with sharp teeth showing, withdrawing her hand and closing her eyes. "Alright. I'll grant that wish."

"Oh, really?" Rika replied with a dry tone.

"But, but, but! I can be fickle with _when_ I grant exactly. Some humans have had to work a lifetime!" Seeing Rika's sour face (mixed with some horror, like she thought Lambdadelta might haunt her for life. Hey, I'm a witch, not a ghost, Lambda responded in her own head) she assured, "But I'll grant yours soon, don't worryyy~"

"Well, the time is ticking. Or actually, it's _not_ , thanks to you."

Ignoring her, Lambda (ludicrously, in Rika's eyes) proposed a game of rock-paper-scissors. Rika interrogated her, wondering if this was some type of situation where if she lost, she lost the chance at a granted wish. Lambdadelta rolled her eyes, saying she wouldn't do that, but Rika's face was still dubious. She insisted the challenge would be something waaay cooler, if so. Rika rolled her own eyes, giving in. It was one match. Both of them chose paper. Lambdadelta whistled.

"That's an interesting choice, I like it a lot~ But I'm Super Paper, so it's my win and not a tie."

"Mii~ Are you, perhaps, brain damaged, miss?" _Now_ she used her child voice.

"You know what, I'll be **glad** to leave at this point!" Lambda retorted, sticking out her tongue. Even Bernkastel treated her better than this. Even if the only reason she was here in the first place is because she was ditched...

Rika felt both of her cheeks suddenly cupped. "Hey, _quit it!_ "

Lambda looked at her, a surprising expression of fondness on her. "I guess I just can't bring myself to screw with you or this world anymore."

"...How kind of you." Sarcasm, of course. Rika _would_ have said next that she was glad that this person was wearing those long ass gloves (randomly black, she might add, so insulting Satoko's headband was hypocritical) lest her face could be melting at this point from direct touch. To that, maybe Lambda would say that only witches were the ones who were supposed to melt, so she was only insulting herself. But instead what came was:

"I think your real determination lies in enjoying your happy ending and miracle. So, I hope that you always will. You worked so hard for it, after all. I'll even lend my power to make sure it's not ruined." Lambdadelta smirked darkly. "If anything, I'm simply repaying a debt, so to speak. Even then, it's hardly anything. As fond as I was of that girl, I inadvertently made your life a living hell, I found as I finished this "story." Good thing I kind of abandoned her in a sense after granting her wish, and with all of my tea breaks. If I hadn't, who knows, hm~? I'm much better now at sticking with my pupils till the end than I was in the past, for better or worse, you know? But, it seems she's happy here too, even if her wish wasn't granted quite the same way, all thanks to your kind mercy, so all ends well, hm~?"

"If only I cared to understand your talk." Rika said, keeping up the aloof act she's had all this time. However, it felt like her eyes were spinning. She really couldn't understand the things that this person was saying or what she was talking about, and she only kept going on and on. Was she talking about some kind of friend (who Rika assumed was just as terrible, probably) now?

"It's fine, you don't have to. Even though I'm giving you suuuch juicy hints and info~ You don't even need to be grateful despite all that I'm doing for you, that's how far my kindness extends!" Lambdadelta shrugged with her hands up in the air. "You better not ever falter in your determination, though! Even she, with her amazingly strong will, lost when yours became greater."

Meanwhile, since Lambdadelta had finally let go of her, Rika had moved back towards Hanyuu. "Make sure you fix this before you leave, too. And don't ever come back, witch. I have no need for things like witches anymore." After a bit, she harshly added, "And I'll enjoy my life just fine. If anything, you're the current biggest obstacle to my happiness, it seems."

Lambda ignored her statement, instead asking curiously, "Ohhh, but you'll basically hang out with a demon~?"

"She's far better than you are. And...don't call her that!"

Lambdadelta finally looked _seriously_ mad for the first time. "Now _that's_ probably the worst thing that's ever been said to me. If only you knew..." She paused. "No. No need to ruin things now. Besides...a different you will realize everything in time. But for now, be ignorant, and most importantly, happy~"

Ignorance is bliss, after all. Lambda moved closer again, taking Rika's hand, stopping her face just in time and smirking. "Can I at least give a parting gift?" One of many so far, Lambdadelta mused to herself.

" **As if!** " Rika shouted.

"I figured as much. But I respect _all_ of your wishes. Even I'm not so cruel as to horribly hurt _you_. The other you doesn't mind, though. Well, bye-bye!"

 _Bye-bye, Frederica. No. Furude Rika._

Rika blinked and missed her vanishing. Everything fell silent. She could almost convince herself that everything was just some horrid nightmare now. Then, something fell onto her head and she snatched it out of her hair.

"...Popcorn?"

"What was that, Rika?"

Rika yelped in surprise at another voice. However, seeing who it belonged to finally gave her a sense of relief. _Relief._ It had already felt as if she had been deprived 1000 years worth of it. But now, she felt like she had received twice that length's worth of good things, weirdly enough. She looked back at the palm of her hand. It was empty. Rika stared at it for a bit longer before shaking her head and turning her attention back to where it really should be.

"S-Satoko...what are you doing here...?"

Satoko titled her head. "Umm...we're heading back to get something that I left in school. Are you alright?"

Rika blinked rapidly. "Oh, right. Sorry, I must have had my head in the clouds. Nipah~!"

 _That's right. Just a weird daydream._

Rika looked around. "...Where did Hanyuu go?"

"...Home, Rika." Satoko moved closer to put a hand on Rika's forehead. "Do you have a fever, or something?"

Rika blushed from making a fool of herself twice in a row, and their close proximity. "I'm fine, I'm fine! I'm just silly today! Let's go get your stuff."

"Do you need me to hold you so you don't stumble?" Satoko asked, still worried.

Rika shook her hands in front of her, continuing to insist that her wellbeing was good. Satoko only continued to act dotingly herself, however. When Rika asked "What about the cartoon showing?" Satoko, exasperated, said that she had already told her that she could live without it for a day. Plus, Rika was more important right now. As Rika pondered what an honor this was, sitting atop a tree branch some distance away, Lambdadelta watched the sight, stuffing popcorn into her mouth. Her face was sulky, but she had to admit that she liked these kinds of things. It made her wonder how Beato and Battler's marriage was going.

 _Ahhh, just look at her getting increasingly flustered. **Now** she acts all truly cute. Well, what can you do. I'll even give that girl credit for her own strong will and determination. I mean, she withstood being stabbed multiple times to death by that one maniac, after all. Is it just me or are blondes truly the best when it comes to everything~? Ohohoho~! That reminds me, seems those two, ironically enough, always have a similar wish. It seems like their efforts will finally come to fruition very soon, as well~ Anyway, I probably have bigger things to worry about, later, thanks to this stunt. But maybe it'll also bring about some more exciting things~? I can only hope._

Lambdadelta tossed her finished bucket to the ground, stretching. She stood up, and before fading out of the world entirely, she looked back one more time.

 _...Well. I'm thankful you taught me to enjoy wish granting again, at least. I was so damn bored I nearly gave up on it entirely. Now I remember why a happy ending can be enjoyable, too, even if it's yet again at the expense of myself. I finally found a kakera that seems worth something once more. Really, though, I'm certain that's the first time anybody has wasted a wish on telling me to go away. It's very interesting, though. But if I'm not mistaken, it seems even you were enjoying the banter here and there, hmm~? Oh, by the way, that creampuff idiot is back home already, enjoying a giant pile of fresh creampuffs I gifted so I would be left alone. Dumbass. Bleeeeeh!_

* * *

A/N:

Yup, my main goal/idea was to try writing Lambdadelta and Rika interaction. Now I want to do Bernkastel and Satoko interacting too, though. Dammit. Should be just one more chapter after this, by the way.

Just consider this as taking place after Matsuribayashi, Saikoroshi _and_ Hou, because of the Tamurahime and Une reference. I hate both of them (more than I dislike Hanyuu, wow. I actually attempt to throw her a bone frequently, after all) so I just wanted to have Rika insult them somehow. Sorry she insulted you too though, Lambda. A lot.

Also, I didn't know how to write Satoshi into this as much, though I immensely wanted to include him (didn't want to deal with him walking back with the others or something as that might have made things go much differently/the fic even longer though) but. He definitely wakes up. With certainty. Imagine it's like, a week after this story. No, actually, the twins are still helping him walk again and stuff. There we go.

Lambdadelta saying she used to give herself amber eyes is a reference to them being like that in Ryukishi07's original sprites, but they're red in basically everything else. I actually prefer them that way personally. But, when it comes to how Bernkastel's hair is in Ryukishi07's sprites versus pretty much anything else, I prefer the original there. Lambdadelta saying her hair is a tribute is a reference to my headcanon that Lambdadelta looks so much like Miyoko because it's in honor and memory. Because Lambda is just the one who granted her "become a God" wish. And she was fond of her/misses her because of her interesting wish and will. A certain someone in Umineko she describes as similar and another break from all of the boredom, finally.

Let's say before messing with Rika she took a peek into Takano healing at the clinic as well, AKA her speeches. I think that's it. See ya.


	3. Loving

Lambdadelta had finally caved in and began going into almost any kakera after that. Once again, most were shit, but she thought that she should even out all of her amazing kindness with a bit more cruelty again. Finishing her business in yet another world (she was at a few dozen at this point, but the time passed was still laughable) she was back at the sea. She thought about another one of Bern's poems, the one with the girl and the marbles. She hoped she wouldn't (figuratively) lose hers, too. She dully examined another piece that looked (also figuratively) rusty in her eyes, before being left frozen at a voice.

"My, it's you, Lambda. What a pleasant surprise."

Lambdadelta turned around. Slowly. As if Bernkastel interrupted her from more important business, or something.

"Oh~? Not often you find _me._ And I doubt that we'll see each other so unimaginably quick after parting ever again, so even more special."

Bernkastel did not respond even as Lambdadelta finally floated closer, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, their faces close. "Although, I seem to recall we weren't really done last time. So I guess it's more like you're paying me back for unfinished business rather than finding me. Are you ready to grovel for forgiveness? Maybe you deserve a punishment for not finishing the game itself, on top of the one I certainly would have owed. Maybe I should pin you to a wall via spears in your hands as a timeout~?"

Bernkastel completely ignored all of this, instead inquiring, "What have you been doing since we last saw each other? I hope that you haven't been getting into trouble?"

"Well~ When am I not in trouble?" Lambda replied playfully, testing. "I have friends unlike you, but I also have my fair share of sca~ry enemies."

"Indeed, I suppose. Enemies like AuAu something Augustine, right?" Bernkastel had been staring blankly ahead, but she finally moved her eyes to Lambda's now. They seemed even colder than what was the norm. "Or...similar ones?"

Uh-oh, that felt a biiit too accusatory there. Lambdadelta thought up a quick reply, though. "Wellll, I don't think there's anyone out there as bad as her. But if I _was_ messing with her, you'd love it, wouldn't you?"

"I wouldn't sew you up again, that's for sure."

"Awww, come on, don't lie~" Lambda cooed, rubbing their cheeks together.

"Alright. I won't. I really would be so worried if you went and were a complete fool again. My kitties hardly found you last time, you know? You're lucky that they got every last piece, too. Some confessed to wanting to lick or eat your eyeballs, as well, but you were passed out during-"

"Euughh! Okay, okay, enough!" Lambda whined. "I'll help you in disciplining them aaanytime, by the way. But, what's this~? You're really admitting you'd be worried?"

"Do you need the red truth to believe me?"

Lambdadelta grinned widely. "Nope. Never."

"Now, you tell me. If you found any fun and interesting worlds, you wouldn't just leave me out, would you?"

Did she detect a hint of a playful whine? Lambda resisted the urge to shiver with glee.

"Of course not, Bern~~~! But really, there's nothing of any merit lately. Something like Beatrice's game doesn't come often and easy, you know?"

"Yes. I do seem to recall you saying that the past dozen times." Bernkastel yawned. "...Nothing of _any_ level of entertainment?" Still prying.

A smirk. "Just trouble~"

"I see. Really, to think that you can't find anything good, after plenty of time."

"You're levels above me in these little "find the fragment"s, but it's the same for you."

Bernkastel rubbed Lambda's other cheek with her hand. "I'm glad that you're always honest with me as well, irritatingly so. Even if you're too roundabout when it comes to certain things sometimes."

"Only the best for you~" Lambdadelta didn't really feel tense anymore. After all, Bernkastel's hand seemed to be pulling her closer.

"...I guess all that's left is to finish up our game."

Lambda blinked a few times. Okay, this was a bit interesting. "...For real?"

"Is there another reason for me to have sought you out? One that you know, but I apparently don't?"

"Nooope~!"

"After we finish, maybe we should make our own game for a change. Like I've suggested before. A real one."

"Hmmm~ I'll think about it~" Lambdadelta brought her pointer finger up to her chin and looked up in a mock cutesy manner. "Let's say we do. Why not just another simple...as well as happy and sweet game~?"

"Why don't you just make that my upcoming punishment, instead?"

"Nah~ If anything, I'll just do the "outsmart the Genie" tactic."

A long silence.

"Heeey. Aren't you gonna ask what the heck I'm talking about?"

"I frequently feel like doing so. Yet at the same time, I really don't. But alright. Since you prompted, go ahead."

"Alright! So, you see it all the time that some dumb person asks a Genie for a wish, but in that wish they actually end up asking for multiple wishes. Not as bad as someone asking for infinite wishes or that crap, though, of course. I reaaally hate that."

"..."

"Anyway, then they'll despair as they're told that they wasted two wishes already. But any smart person knows that you have to outsmart the _Genie._ You gotta be more specific for one thing, just saying that you want food might end with them giving you your least favorite dish! But there's another trick, an actual way to get multiple things at once. It all depends on how cleverly you phrase your wish."

"..."

"So, to answer your question, I'll find a way to make your punishment include sitting through a nauseatingly happy game _and_ something else. All in the way I phrase it. It's so incredibly easy and simple, really. But humans are such dumbasses whether we're talking real ones or fictional ones."

"...I'll enjoy seeing you try it." Was Bernkastel's only comment. She yawned again. "But, wasn't my request clear-cut enough?"

"Well~ It's not like you said "make it _only_ that instead" or something, right?"

"I see. You really are infuriating. Genies would be quaking in their boots from _you_." Bernkastel paused. "Actually, I think all the Genies I've ever seen have wisps for a lower part. So, I guess they cannot wear boots." Bernkastel felt rather ashamed that Lambda had gotten her to discuss such a thing.

"Didn't the Genie from Aladdin get shoes after being freed or something? Well, I guess he wasn't a Genie anymore at that point..." Lambda shook her head. "...Anyway, like I said before, I think I already owe you two punishments regardless thanks to you running away like a shy little kitty~"

"Well. Either way I suppose I will have to suffer. That is the nature of punishment games."

"Not if we...add in the missing card, for instance, though, right...?"

"If you're proposing to play a card game like such, I'd be more than willing. There would be no punishment then. So I'll be able to leave you behind again scot free."

"...You'd still have a debt of one, though~"

An edge of Bernkastel's mouth seemed to give the slightest of a quirk. Had it been anyone else, they probably would never have noticed. Bernkastel would seem as dead as ever, no possible signs of _anything_ visible on her. But Lambda was not just anyone, now was she?

"I see." Bernkastel responded. Lambdadelta also noticed her tail moving in a way that could only signal playfulness. "How...fitting."

"Isn't it?"

The two set off...together. Lambda messed with her beloved's tail, and in a rare stunt, it wrapped around her fingers.

 _I think I can make even you enjoy the occasional happy story again, you know~? You've sworn them off for far too long just for that judgement alone. Every now and again...it's okay to relax and be stupid and play for the hell of it. I'll teach you that again even if you have to bleed from the eyeballs first. Kyahahahahaha~_

* * *

A/N:

I really just kinda spat out whatever I could with this because I somehow wanted to include Bernkastel reacting to what Lambdadelta did previous chapter. She knows she was in Hinamizawa. How? Hell if I know. I guess she's still not quite sure what all went down though. Also, she didn't send the fragment purposefully or anything. How did it get there? I guess miracles really do exist, ba dum tssh.

But yeah she's kinda irked Lambda was screwing around there, but I tried to make sure there was some sweetness too eventually. Maybe the happy game Lambda will show her is those events, hm? The "we should make our own game together" is a reference to the ending of their Ougon route. They're bored thanks to no good games lately, and Bernkastel suggests that. Lambdadelta goes on about how great it is to be a "consumer" instead. Then Bernkastel says everyone has become a consumer, so there's nothing. Ougon has the occasional interesting endings. The Will and Dlanor one really gets me, sob.

Also, apparently there was an upcoming Aladdin live action announced recently. I learned that while trying to see how correct Lambda and Bern's dialogue was. If it's a bit off, just blame Lambda being Lambda. But yeah, spoopy. I guess the reason Bern is amused about the "debt" thing is because Lambda lost to her in Higurashi, and now Lambda has gone off and wished her human self a good life (after Takano made her suffer so), so Bern "owes" her again. IDK, if this entire fic actually makes sense to anyone but me, I'll be shocked. I proofread and rewrote all of the chapters plenty of times each, but I'm still paranoid I'll be making a fool of myself.

Anyway, now I might work soon on a Bernkastel and Satoko interaction fic. I hate myself. Think that's it. Enjoy!


End file.
